How To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust

There is nothing wrong with needing to rip your partner’s clothes off on a whim (it can definitely result in a sexy relationship), however, whether or not there is a deeper love will determine the loyalty level. Knowing the difference between love and lust will help you understand how romantically involved you imagine being with your partner to get the long term. And, what’s more, it is going to give you a great idea of how to feel seeing her or his flaws and how they impact you.

As a licensed health coach I work with people on feeling satisfied with their relationships, regardless of what that really stands for. Sometimes, people are just after lust, or rather a romantic (often mostly physical) relationship which is more short lived, hot, and obsessive. Think: You can not keep your hands off each other when. But usually there is less of a connection beyond the physical (you’re sort of dating the body, rather than the person inside it). Contrarily, a relationship built on love is going to have a significance, since there’s an attachment and understanding that there. Regardless of what you searching for, both can be quite fulfilling the result will differ. Here are 9 ways to tell the difference between lust and love in a relationship.

You Have Meaningful Conversation

Based on Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, over email with Bustle, if you’re finding a deeper level of communication, then there’s probably a love there. “When there’s depth to the relationship, beyond merely physical attraction, that is a great sign that there is love. You are able to have meaningful conversations, discuss your dreams for your own relationship, learn more about one another’s interests and family background,” Rabbi Slatkin describes.


“Should you end up romantically and sexually excited by these, but don’t have any interest in the mental and other non-sexual aspects of the relationship, then it likely is just lust,” says David Bennett, a certified advisor and relationship expert to Bustle.

You’re Still Invested In Them Despite Bad Sex

If you are suffering to have a sexual chemistry with your partner, or you don’t like his or her personality in bed, but you still want to stay with them for a ton of other reasons, it’s probably because you love them, says Bennett. “Love is a relationship that is deeper than merely sexual appeal, and is mental as well as intellectual, and lasts even when you could be trying hard to connect intimately with your partner,” says Bennett.


” Love vs Lust is typically chemical, primal and firmly physical. It usually entails idealization and dream about the person,” says Stacy Kaiser, Live Joyful Editor At Large and licensed psychotherapist, to Bustle. “Love will be calmer and quieter. It requires more time to grow and feels more like an emotional and mental bond than a chemical or physical one,” Kaiser adds.

helpful hints and the first phases of a relationship involve the dependence center of your brain, which is fed by the hormones that surge through you each time you visit or consider the object of the desires,” states Michelle Archard, Romance Expert to Bustle. “If you’re continually looking to get a ‘fix’ of your partner then you are probably still at the lust stage. If you’re able to go some time without contact and aren’t always thinking about them then you’ve moved to the attachment or love stage,” Archard explains.

You Believe Grounded About Them

“Love is deep seated feeling. Enjoy is layered. When more information like someone, you take the entire package. You want to get to understand them. You care about them and look after their wellbeing,” states Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Melissa Divaris Thompson, to Bustle. In general, you’ll be interested in peeling back these layers.

You are Doing “Couple” Things

“From the time enjoy occurs, couples are generally moving in together, buying a home, moving up the career ladder, and thinking of children. They have much more pressure happening in their lifetime, which helps to kill (or slow down) lust,” explains Cath Hakanson, sex educator and creator of Sex Ed Rescue to Bustle.

You’re Focused On Getting Everything You Need

Following is a key difference: Lust is about getting what you need (maybe some hot sex ?) , while love is much more about enduring the relationship and giving onto a spouse, explains dating & Author coach, Brian Taylor, to Bustle. Think about where your brain is and it’ll help determine whether you’re feeling love or lust.

You Do Not Feel Safe To Open Up

“Should you feel safe to talk about your feelings on your relationship, and you also feel accepted despite your flaws, it is likely love. If you believe you can’t or do not need to share your feelings and be emotionally vulnerable in your relationship, it’s probably lust,” Shirani M. Pathak, LCSW, Dating Center of Silicon Valley, states over email with Bustle.

If you notice any of these gaps popping up on your relationship, then you’ll certainly get a few signals to comprehend the difference. That’s good, when it’s aligned with what you need. If not, it is time.